Rockstar Booking Agent – MIDI Mix
Rockstar Booking Agent
©2010 Cynthia Weber, Michael Wilde

She usually wakes up in the morning wrong side of the bed
Trying to remember where she laid her head
Tough to know where you are when you wake up feeling half past dead
Flip the switch on the computer start the coffee on the run
Load up all them emails get the promo work done
She’s a multi-tasking mama don’t quit till the game is won

Got a big old batch of home-made go-go juice
Gotta get the blood pumping get the typing fingers loose
Another long day still chasing that golden goose
Five hours sleep can drive a woman insane
All that hard work you never hear her complain
When it’s all said and done she got everybody drinking champagne

Cause she’s a rockstar booking agent working this crazy town
Got a bunch of entertainers needing work so they don’t drown
She got 5000 friends on Facebook
Yeah the VIPette’s pretty well known
She’s a rockstar booking agent working this crazy town

Calling all clubs I got a star for you
But voicemail’s all she ever gets to talk to
Still pluggin along makin everybody’s dreams come true
Now the suns on the left coast and it’s sinking fast
Hit the shower throw some clothes on get that foot on the gas
Showtime at 10 and she know it’s gonna be a blast

Cause she’s a rockstar booking agent working this crazy town
Got a bunch of entertainers needing work so they don’t drown
She got 5000 friends on Facebook
Yeah the VIPette’s pretty well known
She’s a rockstar booking agent working this crazy town

Awwww, work it girl! (Lead Break)

She’s a rockstar booking agent working this crazy town
Got a bunch of entertainers needing work so they don’t drown
She got 5000 friends on Facebook
Yeah the VIPette’s pretty well known
She’s a rockstar booking agent working this crazy town

She got the whole damn world on Facebook
They keep the VIPette running around
She’s a rockstar booking agent working this crazy town
(Spoken) Awwww work it, girl… get us all some work!

$400 ATTRACTIVE FEMALE HOUSEMATE
This is NOTHING sexual, just tired of looking at dudes and dogs. I am looking for a hot or above average female that has a good work history, a steady source of income, one that can pay rent ON TIME and doesn’t mind being ‘checked out’ while walking around here or whatever. I am a good looking, 40’s male, laid back, clean, very open minded, and RESPECTFUL. No I am not some kind of sex crazied perv, but yes, I do like to look at pretty women. What straight man doesn’t? At least I am honest right? I do prefer younger but as long as you fit the above criteria.

Red Flag:Understandable. I, too, get tired of looking at dudes and dogs. This man isn’t asking too much; he simply wants a hot or above average female. But most of all he wants this hot or above average female to pay her rent ON TIME. Pay no attention when your new roommate checks you out to the point-of-discomfort while you do housecleaning.

$345 roomate wantedim white… i am an MMA fighter… i occasionally have parties or just get real f*cked up(usually after fight parties). I train alot. Things I like: hot chicks, having sex with hot chicks, fighting, making money, receiving oral sex from hot chicks, 4X4 trucks, winning, being right…

Red Flag: Imagine all the fun of your new MMA roommate getting really f*cked up after one of his fights and putting you in a headlock until you admit you’re a big pussy or pass out. Imagine sitting around hearing all the stories about all the hot chicks that like to perform oral sex on your new roommate. Imagine your new roommate practicing his passion for “being right” when it comes to him eating all your food after fight training.

$295 Snuggle Partner (Abington)
Seeking female conservative to share Master Bedroom. Hot tub. Must not snore. Non-smoker. No criminal record. No exceptions. Honest sweet woman only. Wanna save money? This is the only solution I can come up with. No whackos please. serious efforts only. Pillow talk no extra charge, but you should be able to hold a conversation about things because that’s part of the deal. Snuggling may lead to friendship and LTR. Good hygiene a must and keep toenails clipped. Spooning okay. Interview required – because this cannot be just any woman wandering around. I’m 52. Trial period of one night to one week after which we decide if it’s a go. This is no joke. Maybe it’s not so crazy. I’m not looking for sex. Meet first for coffee to discuss this ludicrous offer. Convince me why it could work.

Red Flag: You know what? This might not be a bad deal. Hell, you could just give it a try for a night or a week and see if it works out with this 52 year old stranger. No sex is attached and there’s that spooning-optional clause that you can always fall back on. Let’s discuss!

$540 Sex…and other good things (Berkeley)Some of us in the house occasionally give parties….and…the party has a couple rooms where people can get as sensual/sexual as they want.
Looking for a roommate who could understand that, and possibly use his/her room for one of the playrooms when we have our parties. You don’t even have to go to the party….some of the roommates don’t….just let us use the room overnight, and return it to it’s pristine condition the next day.
The parties tend to be people from 18-30, and invitation only, and men can only come if accompanied by a woman who has made reservations for both.

Red Flag: Think of the fun of moving in on party night. Of course you don’t have to be there; you just have to give up your room so 18-30 people can have sex in it. Hopefully it’s hardwood floors so there will be no stains left in the carpet. But the upside is, if you are a guy, you can attend the party without a date.

$100 Den for Rent for attractive, open minded female (San Jose Downtown)
I have a den for rent in my apartment. It doesn’t have a door, but its still your own space. I am looking for an attractive girl who’d move in. Please be ok with nudity and sex. I’m 30, attractive and just looking for a cute girl for some eye candy! Nothing more … no sex trade expected.

Red Flag: Is $100 a month rent worth the price to be “eye candy”? Would you always want to be eye candy 24/7 in your door-less den room? (Did he take the door out to facilitate the eye-candy-experience? No sex trade “expected.” Yes, but I’m sure your new roommate will keep asking and asking and asking. Nightmare.

$1 Inviting Open Minded cool girls to share Free-Spirit community
We are a group of 5 young people (girls and boys) – open minded, free spirit and love life. We live and open life of kindness and great karma. We have a huge one bedroom condo neer the beach. There are no doors since we value openness and flow of spirit. So if you have privacy issues, this is not for you. One of us is the owner and she has the good will of opening her place practically RENT FREE (you can contribute as much as you can) to anyone (GIRLS and boys and couples) who are young and shares our ideals & lifestyle. As said, we feel good about ourselves and our sexuality and have almost no personal possions here – all is ours. we are not some sex maniacs although most of us are nudists to some degree and we enjoy sex with each other on free basis. We have no assigned sleeping and we just sleep on any bed that’s free at the moment. LIVE your DREAMS!

Red Flag: As in all these type of situations, the naked people are usually the type of naked people you’d never care to see naked EVER. Also,image waking up in the middle of the night — every night — with some stranger trying to grope you. And why are they anti-door? Can I just have an occasional door, like in the bathroom. This is my nightmare. This is my nightmare.

$500 Large private bedroom available May 1.
All payments are due in CASH ONLY, in person only, and no long distance transactions!
MUST comply with all of the following RULES:
No Sex, and no overnight guests
No drugs of any kind, including Marijuana
No smoking
No heavy drinking
No illegal activities of any kind in the apartment or outside in your personal time (don’t want ANY trouble)

Red Flag:There’s bad vibes all about this scenario. What the hell happened with the last roommate who you will be moving in to replace? What illegal activities used to go on inside this apartment and why is the CASH ONLY policy firmly in place. Too bad about not ever having overnight guests but I’m sure you and your new roommate can pass the time by swapping tales of what it was like to be in prison.

The Ad: $1 Free rent and extra. Can you do massage service for me when I come back home ?
You will live with me at the same house. You don’t need a certificate or experience of massage.
Please reply with your age, sex and self-introduction.
If you need food and expense for public transportation such as bus, please let me know. I am willing to offer these too upon your request.
Do you also need tuition fee?
My hobby is travel. What is your hobby?

Red Flag: Well, creepy potential new roommate, my hobby is steering as clear away from people like you as possible. Thank God I don’t need a proper certification in massage; I’m only a massage-enthusiast and I always thought that proper training would hold me back in my dream: “massaging” creepy guys who offer free rent in exchange for massages.

$1,000 Female Roommate Needed for Quiet Bedroom In Prime Location
I am looking for a FEMALE roommate, preferably in her twenties like me, with a full time job who doesn’t spend much time in the apartment. I am a full time student and a freelance stylist and have a big social life BUT outside the apartment. When at home, I study, eat, sleep and am quiet IN my room. I expect the same from my potential roommate!
If you are female, clean, responsible, quiet, work long hours and spend most of your spare time outside of the apartment you’re my perfect candidate!

Red Flag: But if you do spend most of your time in the apartment, then i will grow to hate you quickly. I want you to pay the rent and then stay the HELL away from the apartment. The sight of you, already, is beginning to sicken me. Why won’t you leave! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
Harmon Leon

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Ohio boy, 8, takes family van for gas, crashes into telephone pole
BETHEL, Ohio – An Ohio man says his 8-year-old son was just trying to do him a favor and get gasoline when the boy drove the family’s minivan and crashed it.

James Crouch says he didn’t even realize his son, Jordan, was out of the house Friday morning until a Clermont County sheriff’s deputy came to the family’s home in Bethel and woke him up to let him know what happened.

The boy says he used keys that he found in his mother’s purse and backed the car out of the driveway. He started going down the road at about 5 mph but could barely reach the pedals and lost control, crashing into a telephone pole. He wasn’t hurt.

When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.

One day Barb said, ‘Rose, we both loved playing women’s softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s women’s softball there.’

Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, ‘Barb, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.’

Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

A few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, ‘Barb, Barb.’

‘Who is it?’, asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. ‘Who is it?’

‘Barb — it’s me, Rose.’

‘You’re not Rose. Rose just died.’

‘I’m telling you, it’s me, Rose,’ insisted the voice.

‘Rose! Where are you?’

‘In Heaven,’ replied Rose. ‘I have some really good news and a little bad news.’

‘Tell me the good news first,’ said Barb.

‘The good news,’ Rose said, ‘is that there’s softball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.’

‘That’s fantastic,’ said Barb. ‘It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?’

‘You’re pitching Tuesday.’

Tiger Woods The Golfer
As for the marketing side of things? I don’t really think there will be too much fall out from this entire scandal, especially if we were to win The Masters this week. He is still the best golfer on the planet and he is still the biggest draw the golf world is likely to see for many years to come. The fans were yelling “welcome back Tiger” all day yesterday as he walked down the fairways at hallowed Augusta. You see… true sports fans don’t really care what he did or does away from sports… and that is important to remember.

As the Mouth That Roared at the social media agency, The Big Fat Mouth, people ask me all the time what i think of the scandal and what it will mean for marketing with celebrities in the future. I always tell them the same thing – absolutely nothing! People love athletes and celebrities and they will always be drawn to them. We are a voyeuristic society and we want to know what is going on with the people we admire. Some people revel in the mistakes that they make while others don’t care. When I watch Tiger Woods play golf I am not looking for parenting or relationship tips, I am looking for him to play golf! As long as he does that well he will continue to be a marketing Juggernaut. You didn’t see Nike go out and sponsor a slew of new golfers did you? No, of course not. They know Tiger will be back and likely stronger than ever. He actually appears to be human now.

Although Tiger is not active in social media himself, he is a big topic. People love to talk about him and everything that surround him. Many other athletes however are active in social media and they are the ones that will be changing the way marketers work with athletes. As these athletes build bigger and bigger fan bases on social media platforms, they are going to become more desirable to marketers. The formula is really no different than it has been for years. Brand marketers want eyeballs and now the eyeballs are in social media rather than mass media. You tell me which is more powerful, a TV commercial that reaches 10 million random people across every demographic or 2 million targeted people following an athlete who have all opted in and basically said “I want to hear what this guy has to say.” Of course it is the opted in, targeted list that is more valuable. That is not to say that mass media is going away any time soon, because clearly it is not, but niche media through social platforms is certainly chipping away the power of the mass media. One message on Twitter from an athlete, celebrity or anyone with a large following can easily have as much, if not more impact than any :30 second spot. If I were in the business of creating ads, I would be awfully scared right now.

The most exciting part of this social media becoming more powerful than mass media phenomenon is that the control has been taken away from the big guys and put into to the hands of the every day man. Look at any social media platform and you can find regular people with tens of thousands if not hundreds of thousands or more fans/followers. These are people who would never see the light of day via mass media channels unless they committed a crime or cheated on their wife (OK, I had to tie it back to Tiger Woods somewhere). Web celebrities like Fred would not exist without social media, yet they are signing mass media type endorsement and marketing deals as a result of the audience they have created. The really interesting thing here is not the fact that people can become celebrities through social media, but rather the fact that viewers can choose exactly what they want to watch and tune out the rest. All of the garbage that many networks produce and show every day could fall upon deaf ears in the not so distant future as people continue to customize what outlets they read and watch. Social media provides both choice and opportunity on both sides of the fence.

So what does this mean for all of us moving forward? I guess one day in the future we might actually be able to watch Tiger Woods just play golf, which is what he is paid to do, rather than hear about things that many people don’t really care about. If the time should come when I need help with my relationship with my wife or kids, I could always navigate my way over to DrPhil.com. Until then is www.TheMasters.com for me!
By: Jonathan Ressler
http://bigfatcrumbs.wordpress.com/

Today, Steve Lubanski and Candace Frazee live in The Bunny Museum, where they have the world’s largest rabbit collection with more than 26,000 items. Guinness World Records dubbed them the largest in 1999 when there were only 8,437 pieces in the house.

Frazee counts and catalogs the collection and keeps track of visitors — hovering around 16,000.

The couple are surrounded by rabbits, from wallpaper to wind chimes, phones to faucets and sheets to screen savers. Thousands of items are in storage because there is no space left.

Erin Seeherman, 24, was visitor No. 15,976. She came from Philadelphia with pictures of her bunnies, Zeke and Nora, food for Frazee’s rabbits and plans to buy lots of souvenirs at the museum gift shop.

“I was hoping it would be trinket heaven,” she said.

Lubanski, 52, and Frazee, 53, met at a singles seminar in 1992. She called him “Honey Bunny” and he gave her a stuffed rabbit for Valentine’s Day.

In the beginning, they gave each other bunny gifts on holidays. Then every day. Sometimes dozens a day. At the reception to their 1994 wedding, he dressed in a bunny costume; they did the bunny hop and ate carrot cake.

In 1998, they opened the museum, calling it the “hoppiest place in the world.” Admission is free, by appointment only.

The couple have seven real bunnies and continue to expand their collection at antique, novelty and out-of-town stores. Even when they go on vacation, there are bunny influences — like the Rabbit Ridge Winery in Paso Robles or the Jackrabbit Trading Post in Joseph City, Ariz.

This time of year is like Christmas, because Easter makes stores nearly as bunny happy as they are.

The most asked-after item in the museum is an Elvis Parsley pitcher, Frazee said. But the most asked question? “How do you dust?”

She used to do it all herself, but finally hired a housekeeper to help two days a week.

“But the truth is,” she jokes, “we don’t mind dust bunnies at the museum.”

MONTESANO, Wash. – Authorities believe a Washington man was killed by accidentally urinating on a downed power line after a car crash.

Grays Harbor County sheriff’s Deputy Dave Pimentel said Monday 50-year-old Roy Messenger was not seriously hurt after he collided with a power pole Friday and called a relative to pull his car from a ditch.

However, family members found Messenger electrocuted when they arrived.

Pimentel says Messenger apparently urinated into a roadside ditch but didn’t see the live wire. The urine stream likely served as a conductor, allowing the electricity to reach his body.

Pimentel says there will be an autopsy but burn marks indicated the way the electricity traveled through Messenger’s body.

The world’s first St. Patrick’s Day parade occurred on March 17, 1762, in New York City, featuring Irish soldiers serving in the English military. This parade became an annual event, with President Truman attending in 1948.

According to the latest data, 36.3 million U.S. residents claim Irish ancestry. This number is more than eight times the population of Ireland itself (4.4 million). Irish is the second most frequently reported ancestry in the U.S., trailing only German.

Corned beef and cabbage is a traditional St. Patrick’s Day dish. The corned beef that celebrants will eat may very well have originated in Texas, which produces 6.5 billion pounds worth of beef annually. The largest producers of cabbage annually are New York, which produces 584 million pounds and California, which produces 528 million pounds.

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.”

The fourth Catholic man then says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”

She proudly replies, “I have a daughter,

slim, tall,

38D breast,

24″ waist and 34″ hips.

When she walks into a room, people say, “Oh My God.”